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Friday, December 15th 2006

9:56 PM

It's been a while

  • Mood: so so
An emotional week to conclude an emotional and evntful year.
I often think of writing more but alas jsut don't seem to have the time but here I ma tonight with a mile of work wating but a lot I needed to get off my chest.

This has been a huge year for the family with lots of special birthdays and celebrations. My eldest daughte was 30, my sister 40, I tunred 50 and my 2 youngest sons clebrated 21 and 18 birthdays. One of my brothers and my youngest sister both became engaged so ther are 2 weddings next year. My eledest son and his wife have a new son and an off again on again marrige. Nicole who gave birth to Natteisha last year, is expecting again adn we have a new kitten.

The big thing over the last week thoguh is that my youngest son has jsut graduated from school.
Those of you who have read my past blogs will be familiar with Thomas, he is the subject of most of my infrequient postings. Thomas has mutliple disabilities and truned 18 just a few months ago. This is quite a milestone and a major turnign point for him.

He has been a student at the Alice Betteridge school for children with multiple disabilites, run by the Institute for Deaf and Blind Children at North Rocks, Sydney, Australia. It is one of the finest schools anywhere for children with sensory impairments. For Thomas and our family it has been the rock for the past 16 years.
Thomas began on the homestart program when he was jsut 2 years old and then began at the school part time at 4 and a half.

The staff have always been a source of support for all of us but also dedicated and caring human beings. It is hard to put in words how these wonderful people have impacted on all of our lives over the past 16 years.

We are so lucky that there is such a place in existance that cares for children like Thomas and looks at them as children with specail needs, rather than as their disability.

My son is a beautiful soul and he has had such an impact on the lives of those he has touched. AS an astrologer I see in his chart that he came to earht to be a teacher and it is amazing how he has done that over the years. He has limited verbal communication but shows that action does speak louder than words and somtimes just'being' is all you need.

It is another of those times though, when I see the difference between thomas and his siblings. When they all graduated it was a joyous time, filled with hope and expectation. For Thomas it si a time filled with sadness and dread. Sadness that he is leaving the security he has known for most of his live and dread of what is out there waiting.

We are going through the trial and tribulaitions now of finding a suitable post school prgram for him and that is proving very difficult. We thought we had found the perfect one in a Steiner based program but they rang today to say they have no vacancies, and I hate to settle for soemthing else that I know is not going to be the 'right' thing for Thomas.

I guess I have to have faith and 'put it out there', in the hopes that he will be provided for.

I suppose I should be grateful for the positives, at least we don't have to worry about him joining the unemployment line.

Well I guess that is enough rambling for now, thankyou for listening and may you find peace and love in your life.

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Wednesday, August 3rd 2005

9:04 PM

So much to say and so little time.....

  • Mood: happy

Dear Dairy,

It has been a few weeks since I last had time to put my thoughts onto paper (well metaphorically speaking). It has been an eventful couple of weeks, the usual rush to try and get the horoscopes finished and up on the website, seeing clients and of course the family.

I also had to take a trip inter state last week for an exam board meeting.  I am on the FAA exam board, which administers the national exam system for qualifiying astrologers in this country. It was a very enjoyable time as we are a small but committed group, with a common goal, to improve the quality of astrology and astrologers in Australia.

While I was away I took the opportunity to catch up with my baby sister and her partner and 3 gorgeous children. She took the opportuntiy to have me set up her computer and is now part of the computer and internet set.

Her kids are great little people and the littlest one kept me amused for hours. I do sometimes miss the days when my children were all small, there was always so much activity in the house and people coming and going. By the same token, I do now enjoy the peace and quiet and most importantly the time I now have to myself to do the things I enjoy doing, such as my astrology.

I heard yesterday, although not officially as yet, that my youngest son Thomas will be moving into a permannet group home at the end of the month. While this is something we have been working towards over the past 2 years, it is still challenging for me as it is the final step in relinquishing his care to others.

I miss him every day and I still want to go and get him and bring him home, but know that I can't. It is so difficult being the parent of a child with special needs, there is so much emotional drain and constant physical and mental strain.

When Thomas first had his illness and was left with multiple disabilities, I couldn't conceive of not being the one to care for him. I thought I would always be able to provide whatever he needed. However, after my husband passed away, it became more and more difficult. The other chidlren and I were in such a state of emotional turmoil to begin with and then my father passed over just 8 weeks later, adding to the distress. Thomas was getting bigger and hitting puberty and finally became just too mcuh for all of us together, let alone any of us individually. We were unable to access respite care on any regular or ongoing basis and his behaviour had escalated to the point where even his school would no longer provide the little repsite we had been able to obtain.

Crisis point hit and we had to make the hardest decision any parent can make, to put him into care. it was the right thing to do for all of us. I know this and yet there is still a part of me that wants to hold that baby and protect him and make everything alright, I guess that part will always be there and all I can do is to acknowledge and recognise it for what it is.

But now is the final crunch and again I go through the guilt of not being able to care for the child I love so much and who has been such an inspiration and education for me. I have learnt so much through Thomas, about myself and human nature, about what really matters in life and what is superfluous.

I am happy that he is now more settled and content within himself, his bad behaviour has settled and he is always happy to see us, and we him. The tension has left and we can now have the loving relationship that we had before Colin's death.

I am also very lucky that I have met such a wonderful and caring human being in my partner Eddie. I don't think I would have had the strength over the past years if I had to do it on my own. He is a great support to all of us and it was no small task to take on a family the size of ours!! He is a gem and I am so grateful, that I have been blessed with such love a second time.

Well that's probably enough rambling for one day.

To all who drop by I wish you much happiness and blessings in your life.

To all my children and grandies - I love you.

To my sun and stars, Eddie - I love you with such depth and intensity, that it is scary.

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Thursday, July 14th 2005

4:45 AM

A child is born.

  • Mood: Floating

Here is my newest grand daughter Natteisha Maree Gibson. Born at 8:40pm Tuesday July 12. My daughter Nicole used to be a marathon runner, after 19 hours of labour I suggested she take up sprinting before deciding to have another baby.

Here is another shot of her with her proud parents Adam and Nicole.

I am so proud of Nicole and the way she just hung in there and kept on going hour after hour. It was a gruelling test of body and spirit, for all of us, but of course especially for her.

Here is Poppy Eddie with his new little princess.

And lastly for now, Myself, Nicole and Natteisha

I have been fortunate to be at the birth of all six of my grand children and each of them has been a wonderful and unique experience. I have also been fortunate to be with my sisters to help them welcome their little ones into the world.

I always find it an extremely emotional experience on a number of different levels. There is the euphoria of a new soul being born, the joy and relief. Also there is the desire to take away the pain when you know someone you love is suffering. Having given birth seven times myself, I know that pain is part of the expereince and has to be endured as part of the miracle of life. I still wish I could take it away when it is my daughters, my sisters or daughter(s) in law who are bearing the pain.

I felt particularly helpless with Nicole,as there just didn't seem to be any end in sight for a long time, little Nattesiha certainly wasn't in any hurry. She finally needed assistance to be born as Nicole was running out of strength, but she made it without the need for a caeser, so we are all grateful.

The midwife was an angel and very supportive of Nicole and her needs and wishes and certainly made the whole expereince mcuh easier to bear.

 I recently  wrote of what I wished for my daughters and I am happy that Nicole now has her wish and her beautiful new little daughter and I wish her and Adam and Natteisha a happy and blessed future.

There are more photos in my photo album but I am not sure how to put a link in yet.

Well this is one tired little grandmama, who has a stack of writing to get through.

To all my grandies, I send you lots of love.

Likewise the rest of my family.

For Eddie, Love you with such a passion, I feel I could self combust

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